Signs and Symptoms:
- They may prepare for death by giving away prized possessions, making a will, or putting other affairs in order.
- They may withdraw from those around them.
- Change in Sleep Patterns — insomnia, often with early waking or oversleeping, nightmares
- Change in Eating Habits — loss of appetite and weight, or overeating
- They may lose interest in prior activities or relationships.
- A sudden, intense lift in spirits may also be a danger signal, as it may indicate the person already feels a sense of relief knowing the problems will be ended.
- One or more diagnosable mental or including physical or sexual abuse substance abuse disorder
- Family history of mental or substance abuse disorder
- Family history of suicide including family, peers, or in news or fiction stories
- Family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
- Prior suicide attempt/attempts Firearm in the home
- Exposure to the suicidal behaviour of others, including family, peers, or in the news or fiction stories
- Recent suicide attempt by a friend/family member
- Recent Loss — through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship, loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem, loss of religious faith, loss of interest in friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously enjoyed
- Change in Personality — sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, indecisive, apathetic.
- Change in Behaviour — can't concentrate on school, work, routine tasks
- Diminished Sexual Interest — impotence, menstrual abnormalities (often missed periods).
- Fear of losing control — going crazy, harming self or others
- Low self esteem — feeling worthless, shame, overwhelming guilt, self — hatred, "everyone would be better off without me"
- No hope for the future — believing things will never get better; that nothing will ever change
- Suicidal impulses, statements, plans; favourite agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness or lethargy.
- Strong wish to die, preoccupation with death,
- Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
- Inability to tolerate frustration
- Inability or unwillingness to communicate
- Sexual promiscuity
- Neglecting personal appearance
- Theft &/or vandalism
- Depression
- Exaggerated &/or extended boredom
- Carelessness &/or accident prone
- Unusually long grief reaction
- Hostile behaviour
- Truancy
- Family disruption, especially divorce
- Running away from home
- Abrupt ending of a romance
- Poor performance in school
The risk of suicide may be greatest as the depression lifts. They may now have the energy to commit the act.
If you witness some of the above signs, try to talk with the person and get them some help. If you feel the person is at risk of ending their life, even if they deny it, call your local emergency number (000, 911, etc.) so that they may be evaluated.
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Signs and Symptoms]…[What to say]… [Return to top of page]…[Index]
How to Help a Suicidal Person
1) If someone threatens or makes statements referring to suicide, take them seriously. Many people have taken their lives when people thought their statements about suicide were "manipulative" or the person was being "melodramatic. any people have died "accidentally." They may take some medication for example just to get others to hear them and feel they will be discovered and saved. Instead of calling attention to their needs, they in fact, died.
2) If the person is telling you either in person or over the phone that they are going to kill themselves, you call local emergency number (000, 911, etc.) right now. Even if you feel in your heart, that they will not take their life, you go by what they are telling you. Don't wait to get over to their house to call the emergency department. Call now.
If the suicidal person forbids you to call, is angry about it or upset, you call anyway. If you need to go to a neighbour's home to call, do it. If it's in the middle of the night, wake up the neighbour and make that call.
If the person is calling from an unknown location and discusses suicide, try to find out where they are. You cannot send someone to them if you don't know where to find them.
What if that person has you in confidence and makes you swear that you will not tell anyone how they are feeling? Do you keep that confidence? No! Would you be a lousy friend, mother, etc. if you broke that confidence? No! Suicidal discussion automatically ends confidentiality.
A person in crisis may not be aware that they are in need of help or be able to seek it on their own. They may also need to be reminded that effective treatment for depression is available, and that many people can very quickly begin to experience relief from depressive symptoms.
Find the answers to these questions first:
- Do they have a plan?
- Is it lethal? Can they die?
- Do they have the means to carry it out?
- Do they have a mental or physical illness?
- Are they suffering from chronic or specific incident depression?
What if the person does not "qualify" for the above statements? Do you not take them seriously? Yes! Always take people seriously when suicide is discussed. If they truly want to die, they may not tell you the truth about their plan.
All it takes is for someone to say "I am going to kill myself" to call your emergency department. When law enforcement comes, they will assess the person. They will talk to the person. There are times where the person is not "taken" by law enforcement, but I do believe it is helpful to have law enforcement there to talk with them.
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Signs and Symptoms]…[How you can help]…[Return to top of page]…[Index]
What to say:
After you have taken emergency measures as described above, or the person is not in immediate risk, what do you say to them?
Do not: Judge them / Show anger toward them / Provoke guilt / Discount their feelings / Tell them to "snap out of it"
Do: 1) Acknowledge and accept their feelings even if they appear distorted — "You sound like you are feeling abandoned...," "That must have hurt you terribly...," How does make you feel"? "Are there feeling like there is no hope"? etc.
2) Be an active listener — repeat some of their statements back to them to let them know you are listening. For example, "So what you are saying is..., "I'm hearing you saying you hate yourself...,"So receiving that letter made you feel abandoned..." "I hear you saying you want to die," etc.
3) Try to give them hope and remind them what they are feeling is temporary, without provoking guilt. "I know you feel you cannot go on, but things will get better," "What you are feeling is temporary," "I believe in you and that you will get better," "There is a light at the end of the tunnel — it's okay if you don't see it now."
4) Be there for them. If they are not there with you, go to them or have them come to you. It is better if you go to them, in case they can their mind and don't show up where you are.
5) Show love and encouragement. Hold them, hug them, touch them. Allow them to show their feelings. Allow them to cry, to show anger, etc. Let them know you hear them and are there for them. Let them know it is okay to feel what they feel, even if it is distorted. Let them know you accept them right where they are now. If you love them, tell them.
6) Pamper them. Feed them if they are hungry. Let them shower if you feel that will help them. Rent a movie if they feel like it. Turn on their favourite music if it makes them feel better.
7) Help them get some help. If phone calls are needed for counselling, drug recovery, doctor's appointments, etc., encourage them to make these calls. It is better if they call, but it's okay it you need to make these calls if their level of functioning is low. If they have a counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. this is a good time to call them if the person is still at risk. If it's evening and the person is not at risk, calls should be made the next day to these people informing them of the person's suicidal ideation. The mental health professional may make an adjustment to the person's medicine, admit them into a hospital, etc.
8) If you are at the person's home, remove any item/items the person may use to hurt him or herself with. Grab their medication or weapon. Make these items inaccessible to the suicidal person until they are safe.
9) Is there a child or children of the suicidal person witnessing their parent's crisis? Try to get the child out of there (After the person is safe) and into a friend or relative's home. This situation is extremely traumatic for children. Many times we think they are asleep but they are fully aware of the situation at hand.
Remember, that you can only do what you are able to do. If your friend or loved one is intent upon ending their life, you can only do so much. You are not responsible for their behaviour. Don't be fooled by this myth. None of us can control others. We are each responsible for our own behaviour.
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Signs and Symptoms]…[How you can help]…[What to say]… [Return to top of page]…[Index]
Resources on this website have been provided by Lionel Hartley, PhD as a free community service. Information has been gleaned from a variety of sources and may be copied provided this website is cited as the source.
Resources:
Suicide Prevention
Suicide Awareness
Amber Alerts
Hartley's Online Resource Centre supports the Amber Alert Programme. The US National Centre for Missing & Exploited Children suggests three criteria that should be met before an Alert is activated. 1. law enforcement confirms a child has been abducted; 2. law enforcement believes the circumstances surrounding the abduction indicate that the child is in danger of serious bodily harm or death; and 3. there is enough descriptive information about the child, abductor, and/or suspect's vehicle to believe an immediate broadcast alert will help. If these criteria are met, alert information must be put together for public distribution. This information can include descriptions and pictures of the missing child, the suspected abductor, a suspected vehicle, and any other information available and valuable to identifying the child and suspect.
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